Denial

I have lived my whole live with a selective perspective to things…

I choose to see what I want to see … call it denial… call it running away from reality … I did it for so long and I did it too well.

I thought I was trying to be positive or optimistic. But no I saw things through my selective eye … and shut down what I do not want to see, my problems, my feelings, my weaknesses .. the reality of people around me and the circumstances around me. I conceal what I do not want to face .. and worst of all act as if there isn’t anything there.

I am trying to be realistic but not pessimistic .. there is a very small line between them ..  And I am stuck … I am sick of having reality hit me in the face every time .. I am sick of ignoring the signs … I am sick of letting things go till I hit rock bottom … I am sick of being lead on in the wrong direction by my blindness.

I need to change … I can’t be blind to reality anymore.

 

Benefit of the doubt

One of the most valuable lessons I have learned in my life,

I learned that I should not generalize or stereotype people, and know that there is always 2 sides for the same coin, and often even multi-dimensions.

I saw how unjust it is to think that because you are labeled as a member of a certain group, religion, country, social status or race, you are automatically liable for prejudices and stereotypical views.

I have learned never to take the actions of one individual and pin it on his nation or religion.

Most of all, I learned to put myself in others shoes before judging them, listen to what people have to say before condemming them and not to ignore the credit someone has earned for few misplaced actions they did.

I learned to be tolerant , understanding, empathetic and compassionate.

But, on top of that I also learned not to expect the same understanding, tolerance, compassion and empathy from people around me,  for they may not practice the same broadness of mind.

Unfair but sadly true.

 

My Inspiration

A Man who has excelled in every possible aspect of life.

A Man who has inspired and affected Humanity and Mankind.

A Man that I love and wish to resemeble in my actions, words, thoughts and beliefs.

A Man I long to meet.

A Man that I wish everyone would get to know and appreciate.

This Man, Mercy to mankind Muhammed Peace be upon him … My Inspiration.

http://inspiredbymuhammad.com/

“My choice of Muhammad to lead the list of the world’s most influential persons may surprise some readers and may be questioned by others, but he was the only man in history who was supremely successful on both the religious and secular level.” Michael H. Hart

 

The pursuit of the “Accept State”

The problem that lies between you and realizing your dreams , lies within you.

Though often we tend to blame circumstances and others for dragging us away from what we want, in reality we  are the masters of our own fate and destiny. We should always know that  if we are not able to realize what we want, we need to think of what is dragging us away from our dreams and goals. Maybe by working a little on ourselves we can become the persons that can realize our dreams.

This makes me think of an analogy from the world of Computer Science, your life journey is just like a  Finite State Machine, there is an accept state that is ..  your goal(s)..  what you are aspiring to reach …

Life without a goal, is just like a state machine with no accept state .. It is nonexistent.. it has no purpose …no effect.. and all the transitions within it are worthless, meaningless and insignificant.

The sequence of transitions you take in your life lead you to a final state.  Nevertheless, according to the transition function you could only get to the accept state by reaching particular successor  states. These states of mind and heart qualify you to reach your goal.. the accept state.

Bottom line, if you are not at your goal … you need to make a transition, you need to read in a new character, respond to a trigger .. you need to take an ACTION towards reaching your goal !

 

Introducing my Hijab (Head Scarf)

I am Eman .. and I am not a terrorist and my Hijab (head scarf) is not an act of oppression, ignorance or tradition. In fact, it is a practice of pure liberty, modesty and piety. See related post:  Free Women

Having had the chance to travel and live abroad has really given me a new perspective and a new level of comfort with my Hijab.

I mean with reactions ranging from the kindest of smiles and greetings , to people shaking their heads with disgust as they see you, to people helping you out in the streets with absolute care and respect, to people muttering angry words and spitting at you as you walk by them in the street. A spectrum of emotions and feelings that erupt with my co-existence in their community. This raises so many questions and thoughts in my (covered) head with one nagging desire … If only I could get a chance to explain , if only they could try to listen and understand, if only they could see things they way I do, maybe then they would accept and respect my intentions.

I have come across some interesting videos and articles that sum up and convey the message that I wish to communicate to everyone I meet. And I felt a compeling need to share them

An interview about banning Hijab.

An ABC special what would you do?  About racism against Muslim women.

An inspiring article about freedom of expression and a true essence and understanding of the intuitive  drivers for wearing the head scarf ..as  realized by a young girl !  published in Oprah Magazine …  http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Choosing-to-Wear-the-Muslim-Headscarf

I finally leave you with wise words I recently read, rephrased from Sahar El Nadi by a friend. These words present a different side of Hijab .. the romantic side

“Hijab isn’t to restrict & preserve, it’s actually very romantic, it goes with women’s nature to be mysterious & intriguing and with men’s to imagine, conquer & discover.

It’s a relationship booster .. for husband & wife, an exclusive barrier to anyone outside this intimate circle.

When a man “lifts a woman’s veil” on their wedding it’s an ageless memory for them, a “tradition” still practiced all over the world”

 

Unresolved Emotions

I used to feel hurt but I could never tell why

Yet suddenly a rush would make me want to cry

Now I am so upset but cannot shed a tear

I am afraid I am just trapped, inside my own fear

-

A fear of feeeling something that is real

A fear of loosing something I thought was near

A fear of letting go of something I believe

A fear of changing the things I perceive

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Asking myself questions

Hoping to unmask my intentions

Searching for the answers

Midst all these confusions

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But Its hard to hear your heart

When you have so often neglected its plee

Kept it  all botteled up inside

But now the cork is ready to make its flee

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I am left with unresolved emotions

A need to face what lies within

To pay for my every moment

Where I have carelessly failed myself to give in

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Will I fight the reasons that made me want to run?

Will I embrace the changes that will allow me to go on?

Will I stop pretending that I am, who I want to be?

Will I strieve for finding the real that lies within me?

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Let the burdens I carry, lift my soul free

Let the tears I hold, extinguish my misery

Let the wounds that burn, shape my serenity

Let the chains that drag, unleash my possibility

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Ohh God I know you hear me … Stand by me

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Created On: Monday, March 29, 2010, 05:20:35 AM

 

Life is Wonderful

One of my favorite songs for Jason Mraz …

It takes a crane to build a crane
It takes two floors to make a story
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
There is no end to what I’m saying

It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
It takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

La la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Al la la la la

It takes a night to make it dawn
And it takes a day to make you yawn brother
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other

And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
It takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished

Ha la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is so full of
Ah la la la la la la life is so rough
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is our love
Ah la la la la la

It takes some silence to make sound
It takes a loss before you found it
And it takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to make you care
It takes a hole to make a mountain

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ha la la la la la life is wonderful
Ha la la la la la life is meaningful
Ha la la la la la life is wonderful
Ha la la la la la life it is…so… wonderful
It is so meaningful
It is so wonderful
It is meaningful
It is wonderful
It is meaningful
It goes full circle
Wonderful
Meaningful
Full circle
Wonderful

 

I am Back !

Ahhh … so finally I am back up and running my blog again.

I was going through a rough time lately and an advice from a wise friend was .. why don’t u start blogging again? sharing your thoughts and ideas. I said I would consider .. but found myself drawn more and more to the idea .. today I lay up at night with a million thoughts crawling through my head unable to find a way out. Though I am not by any means a good writer, I do not have an engaging style or anything worthy or wise to say… I discovered that the things I write here carry a part of me that I wish to discover, unleash and maybe nourish. I decided to start writing again. Maybe I am not presenting much to the world through what I write… but as my blog name suggests … I am on a mission to find the not so ordinary part of myself and set it free to fulfill its destiny.

So I am back .. Still in the pursuit of the EXTRAORDINARY !

 

Real Friendship … Totally not Overrated !

I have to admit at some point in my life I underrated friendship … It was easy for me to loose people and i did not make the effort to stay in touch … Today I regret it terribly!

The reality is … I might have only underrated friendship because I had underrated friends ….  or maybe I did not make the best out of it !

Truly it is a blessing to have people who love, care, appreciate and understand you. It is great to know that you matter to others and to know that others do matter a lot to you too ….

Today I say that friendship is not overrated … and That I am blessed to have so many Over the average Friends … AHL

 

Never Supress

Note to self:

Never Supress so many negative feelings in your heart they only accumlate to make a big ugly negative BULK !

Let it Gooo and Do not hold grudge !